Wednesday, June 13, 2012
My Personal Story of Awakening
I was 17 years old. I had been practicing witchcraft for 4 years at this point. Was fairly aware of energy, spirits around me at times, and I paid attention to my dreams. I didn't often have dreams of intuitional nature, but occasionally would have a strange dream about the book my mom was reading, or my mom, sister and I would have the same dream. At the age of 11 or 12 I had a couple very vague memories of past human lives, but they were usually triggered by music. I think I was consciously aware of things much earlier than most kids...either that, or all kids are but can't remember. I remember at the age of three having fairly complex and philisophical ideas for being so young. And I can remember as young as only a few months old, and understanding things.
I lived in South Carolina the end of my 17th year and I was starting to have dreams about a strange daemonic vampire like woman, very unattractive looking, with long red hair, and strange fangs. In these dreams, she was doing very horrible things to my friend and ex, Merdin. I gave him a call, and he was having the same dreams and so was his best friend, Eirc having a few other dreams that were similar, but I can't remember what they were now.
Around the same time I started having dreams about possums. In these dreams, the possum would chase me around my house, and in my sleep(sleep within sleep) it would actually sexually assault me, which of course, freaked me out a bit. The end of the dream it chased me into a room that had a baloney and I jumped off into what I think now was a portal into the Void...it was blackness, oblivion.
When I awoke, I felt traumatized and called my boyfriend at the time who was Cherokee and practiced his people's faith. Him and his friend went into my house and did a complete Cleansing and banishing, with sage and sweet grass, and left protection amulets in my room. His mom said that sometimes spirits, or ghosts, will take the form of an animal to try and attack you in your dreams, celestial skinwalkers. I wasn't sure this was the case, but didn't know what else to think. The purification didn't work, I had more dreams of possums, though he didn't sexually assault me. But my sage kept getting hidden in my room, and something kept moving my guitar and ceiling fan, freaking me out. I did my own banishing, and it would only work for a day or so. I would have dreams of black hooded figures, and even more dreams of the evil woman with red hair.
I was sitting on the beach one day, staring into the Clouds, and there was a cloud that took the form of a bird, and then shifted over the sun, and I could see a face coming out of it, her black and red hair flowing around the edge of the sun. She spoke to me. It was very real. I don't remember what she said, but she told me that things would be different from now on and I would find her someday, and something about a Tower. I didn't know what to think, but assumed she was some sort of Goddess guiding me. At one point, I discovered an ancient fort, from the Spanish period, which had many rumors circulating about satanic sacrifice of infants and raccoons and chickens being performed there. I was naturally drawn to the place, exploring it's tunnels, and accidentally walking into a Voodoo ritual being performed by some locals. I ended up meeting one of the Voodoo priestesses, and she explained to my friend and I why the Ford was considered sacred. She said it held a portal that led to the polar powers of the Universe. This seemed rather far fetched, but at the same time, when your there, you know it's true. One side represented Light, the other Darkness, and the middle: Balance. Each section had prison pits, and one was full of life, another dead plants, and in the middle, death and life. There was also a torture chamber, a large stone block with chains, and once there were doors that led deep into the earth, where you could explore for hours. I have returned twice since, and those doors have now been blocked off, and it's hard to even tell they ever existed.
I turned 18 and returned to Iowa in June. Nothing really happened all summer, but I was partying a lot, so not very ideal conditions for awakening. But then the dreams began again, of the red haired woman, in autumn. It was my Senior year in highschool and I had the busy social life, I'm not sure how I had time to just randomly awaken. I was spending a lot of time with my new friends Temperance, Willow, Moondancer, and my girlfriend, Thuriza. .
And then Merdin called me out of the blue. We were pretty good friends still, but didn't spend too much time together. He wanted to do a Samhain ritual for Halloween, and I was game. He told me he was having the dreams again and weird things were freaking him out, wherever he went. He showed up at 8pm in my home town with his friend Indigo and we drove around downtown looking for Temperance and found her pretty quickly. We proceeded to the ritual space, on Temperance's private land, and it was a typical Samhain ritual, at first. We danced around the bonfire, chanting, all the usual. And then toward the end of the ritual, we all started hearing very distinct noises. They grew louder and were very obviously voices. Wow, I can't remember for the life of me what they were saying now, but it was threatening...I think one told us to open the circle. But the ritual was over, and we couldn't just sit in the woods all night listening to spirits threaten us. So we packed up all the ritual supplies, and waited till the last second to open the circle and run for the car. As soon as the circle was cut and opened, we felt like they swarmed over us, like a black wind. We jumped in the car and sped away, putting the pedal to the metal, but to no avail. It was a very powerful car, I don't know much about engines, but he was a mechanic and built it himself. We weren't going more than 15 miles an hour because something was holding on to the entire car, dragging us back. Finally after what must have been three minutes of this, we broke free, and Merdin s driving 130 miles down the road into town. We could feel whatever it was tracking us, and then Temperance started screaming and pointing at Merdin's head. She said a daemon with red eyes was jumping into his head, and as we all focused our energy to get rid of it, it looped back and entered her, and she passed out and stopped breathing. Now the most remarkable thing here, was Merdin turned around in his seat, while blazing down the road at that speed, let go of the wheel, and half way jumped in the back seat and put his forehead on Temperance's and forced the spirit out and then she could breath again.
The attacks ended, so we went to Perkins and had coffee for a few hours, discussing what the hell was going on. Temperance showed us she had amazing gifts of clairvoyance. She sat there and described things she would never have known for hours. We decided to start meeting frequently, to train to avoid that sort of thing. Merdin and I noticed we had identical marks on our palms, the Triad mark. His uncle had explained to him that it was a mark of being chosen for something, of the warriors ranks. We noticed Temperance and Indigo both had similar marks. So we went home very late and went to sleep.
I was rudely awoken by Temperance running in my door the next morning to drag me off to school. We went to an alternative highschool, so we didn't have to get up so early, but today was a field trip for Diversity day. I get in the van that was picking me up and there is sitting Braunwen, my soon to be friend for a lifetime, and we were introduced for the very first time. We discussed witchcraft for a while. She told us of a couple strange experiences she had. We told her what happened the night before and she was intrigued.. She showed us some pictures of her, and we both looked at each other and said RAVEN!
We went home, and Temperance did some psychic readings on Branwen and then she and I did a silent reading of each other's minds, and we both saw the same thing. A tall Crystal Tower standing over a cliff, with mushrooms on the ground, and a large Pyramid with an Eye in the center of it.
Couple days later my mom kinda freaked out on me and kicked me out. A few minutes after that Merdin's mom freaked out and kicked him out. An hour later Temperance's parents freaked out on her and kicked her out. Our friend Eric was already homeless, his parents kicked him out a few days before that. So something really wanted us to live together. We stayed with Indigo for about a week , I'd say. There we met the man with the Pyramid Eye on his back. We met Jake the first night we stayed there. Temperance, Merdin, Indigo, Jake, Draven and I all sat in a circle and played with energy balls while we told him of the strange things happening to us. He told us it was the Awakening, and one of the spirits attacking us was called Dor Mont, and he drew a picture of him, exactly how Temperance had drawn it days before. And then he changed, I was the first to notice. His eyes were different, and his voice shifted slightly. I said "Your not Jake anymore" And he then introduced himself as Dretzel. I can't remember for the life of me what all Dretzel told us that night, but I think she was teaching us things. We went downstairs and Merdin, Temperance and I were sitting on the floor as Indigo started fighting w/ her crazy redneck boyfriend. The energy was intense. Jake walked downstairs and looked like he was about to kill everyone in the room, but sat calmly next to us. Temperance abruptly jumps up and runs out the door, and we slowly follow. And then everything was in slow motion. The faster I ran after her, the father away she seemed to be. Everything had a sort of blue light, exactly like in a dream. Then I realized I had had the dream before. All my senses were suddenly alive. It felt like another world. I was running down the sidewalk in Waterloo, on the street that Branwen and Shadow and Seika would later live on years later. And I yell Temperance DON'T DO IT! She stops and she's closer to me than I thought. She was trying to kill herself, and she didn't know why, except she felt like she needed to. She was about to step in front of a moving car. She walks off with Jake and we spend the next week or so studying together, learning about the daemons trying to attack us, and learning what exactly we were into. It seemed very obvious suddenly, that we were meant to fight off something, to protect the innocent, to bring back magic and Spirit to us and the people around us...a shift not only of our own consciousness, but of the world as a whole. Something big was going to happen and we had to stop it.
A week later Indigo's fiance was convinced that she was having sex with Merdin and decided to chase us around town with a shotgun, until we stood at our windows with two bow and arrows, and he decided it wasn't worth it. We were homeless again, and had to go back and forth between staying in motels and sleeping at Merdin's mom's house, she didn't like us. She thought we were evil. One time she apparently got possessed by a picture of a daemon he drew...sat there and cut herself over the picture for hours and then put HIM in the psych-ward because he yelled at her for releasing the daemon. lol. Fun times.
We never saw Jake nor Draven but years later, by happy coincidence Branwen is introduced to Shadow, who just so happened to have been good friends with Draven and Jake. lol.
One afternoon Branwen, Merdin, Temperance, myself, and our new recruit Squire went into the ditch near a 'friend's' house. He wasn't a friend, they had actually gone there to beat him up for doing something messed up, but decided against it once we got there. We ended up stuck there all day, and hanging out with him, and things seemed ok. But then came the Red Head, finally.She called herself Vesta. She looked exactly like we thought, and we knew who and what she was. The one that would break us all apart. But Merdin must have been intrigued or something, and hooked up with her that night. She put, from what he described, 1000 daemons in his head. He ran up the stairs screaming, and he asked what to do. We told him to make her leave, and he did, but she unplugged the alarm clock before she left, knowing we needed it to get out of the house before the crazy mother came home. We were caught, and even more homeless than before.
But Merdin's uncle had a friend named Dan, who said he wanted to train us. I ended up training him, I guess his uncle thought we were all newbs or something, but the guy turned out alright. He didn't know about the Omni, but he seemed to know something weird was going on. I don't know how it happened, but after only a couple weeks, Merdin found Vesta again and within 12 hours he bought her a diamond ring and proposed to her. When he broke the 'happy' news, we weren't exactly sure what to do. She moved in with us and we weren't very pleased. This only lasted for a couple days. He kept whispering to us "HELP ME, she is controlling me", but then yell and threaten us when we actually tried to help or make her leave. He was a zombie. They left, and we all went back to our homes, our parents apparently wanting us to come home. We lost Merdin. One down, more to go. Most of the time when we lost members to 'corruption' it was due to someone taking power that wasn't theres, usually accepting power from someone like Yakshawnah, or Yellow Eyes. But in return, they got something not much more than enslavement. But other times, they just wanted it all for themselves.
Moving back to my home town I began working with Branwen more, among others. Months went by. We learned more, I learned how to invoke, first with She-Ma and then with Dretzel. They gave us limitless amounts of information and we tried to record everything that happened to us. I began to awaken to my otherkin forms, and start remembering a bit of past lives. It seemed everywhere we went, everyone we hung out with, seemed to be mildly to greatly awakened. We started having meetings, sometimes every week, or twice a week. We trained, we fought, we put the pieces together. And then Squire left for a weekend. Turns out he spent the weekend with Merdin and Vesta. He came back, head shaved, hallow look in his eyes. A zombie, again. Of course, not literally, but it wouldn't have surprised me. Within a few days he flipped out on me and left my house for good. He tried to run me over with his car several months later. Temperance was off and on going kinda weird on us, but she seemed ok for a while, at least a year. We were working with so many people, I can't even begin to remember all the people now. In the winter we began working with a girl named Lynnae, and in the spring she introduced us to Seika, who was a member with us until just 2005. Things took off. Meetings were more frequent. More information was gathered. We knew what we were up against, and we knew we were destined to do it together. And Temperance got pregnant, by a man named Mikael., Yakshawnah's son. She went back and forth for a long time until she realized what she was. And then literally out of nowhere, Merdin came back! Walked into my house, and I have no idea how he found it, for I had moved many months after we had lost touch. He hugged me and said he was free of her spell. Everything felt right again, we had one of our most powerful warriors back. But I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that felt that. He was still corrupted. Months later he admitted he only returned to destroy the group. For some reason I hooked back up with him, and I got pregnant. But only for three months. I accidentally invoked Yakshawnah one night and he stole the child, somehow, I don't know how. The fetus was gone and the doctors couldn't explain it, but the surgery was horrible. We pursued on, and in April, a year and a half after our awakening, I went on the road, and didn't come back for a while. I went to search for others, but it was hard at first. Perhaps my cloaks were too strong, I'm not sure. But that problem only lasted for a while. I came back and forth, from my hometown area to Iowa City, to back on the road. It was hard to know what was going on, separated from the people I was working with for years now. So Branwen and Seika and I created the Tribe of Omni, on bolt.com. Apparently networking across the globe was the biggest pain in the ass I've ever undertaken, but I've found lifelong friends and companions, and there is definitely something that draws us all together. Although not everyone made it, and that makes me a little disheartened from time to time.
Ok, that was long for even my standards. But I felt it was important to describe the entire process of the first couple years so others could relate. Hope you enjoyed rather than plow through it wondering when I'd stop rambling.